Signal Crossing

untrustworthy, lying, business man fingers crossed

One thing that some people engage in is what I call “signal crossing” and if you don’t know what it is, it can make you think you are losing your mind.

A signal crosser is someone who acts one way and dialogues another.An example is going to dinner with someone who tells you to eat whatever you want. Then after dinner, they say, “are you sure you don’t want desert?” when the waitress comes to the table.

This person is giving you mixed signals. They say that they want you to feel free to eat hearty, but then they kind of take it back.

So weird.

The reason people do this is because they have trouble being direct.

They fear rejection, or not being thought well of, so they give their intentions through signals, not through direct dialoguing.

Now sometimes, signals are good things and not necessarily diversionary tactics. Some people do the “I’m not saying, I’m just saying” deal, when they are trying to be polite.

For example, if you go to someone’s house, and after about an hour of fellowship they say something like, “well, I’ll let you get back to your family”, then you know that they are politely saying it’s time for them to let you go.

That’s not the same as giving MIXED signals.

Mixed signals happen when someone wants you to vocalize what they want you to do, while they act like they don’t really want that.

Get it?

It’s really called passive aggression.

You can read more about that here.

Hey, have you ever been the recipient of mixed signals? Or maybe you just have a tendency to give mixed signals.

Either way, I’d love to hear all about it.


(My secret to success and making money online)


“Gaslighting”{personality thursday}

Ingrid Bergman was the lead actress in a movie called “Gaslight”.

It’s a classic about a woman whose husband is trying to get her to think she is crazy, by turning the lights on and off and making her think she herself did so, and just forgot she did.

Psychologists have termed this type of “crazy making” Gas Lighting.

When some one is gaslighting in a relationship, they are trying to make you believe that you are the crazy one.

There are many ways people do this, and many reasons for it.

In my experience, projection is the main reason that people do this.

Or in other words, they are projecting their nonsense on to you, and blaming you for what they have done.

It’s also called mirroring, and it’s generally done when someone doesn’t want you getting too close to their true intent, so they act like you are the one to blame.

Gaslighting serves as a diversionary tactic for people who have been, or who are about to be, “found out”.

According to Martha Stout, Phd, sociopaths are the most common personality types to engage in this behaviour.

Not nearly enough space exists in this article to talk about that kind of near-human, but just know this…if someone in your life is engaging in “crazy-making’, that is, blaming you with insane accusations, and especially if they are pinning their dirt on you, then you need to get immediate distance.

I am very curious to know how many of you have been the victim of this type of treatment, ever.

Care to share?

Personality Thursday…The Passive Agressive.


Last week we talked about the Backstabber who did so for personal gain.

But that’s not the only kind. Some people do mean things behind your back when they are a passive agressive person.

So what is a passive agressive personality type? Simply put, it’s someone who had trouble voicing their discontent with a decision someone makes, or their annoyance with something someone does.

Passive agressive people have a real need for others to like them. They would rather drink glass shards then risk rejection for standing up for themselves. It is so important for others to like them, that they put up with immense (albeit unintended) mistreatment.

Put a passive agressive together with a tactless, inconsiderate person who has no idea they are offensive, and you are sure to see passive agressive  behavior at it’s best (or should I say, worst).

Here’s how they work:

When a passive agressive person is mad about something, instead of confronting the (often clueless) offender, they simply sabatoge them in an underhanded way.

Question: How many passive agressives does it take to change a light bulb?

answer: One, but, well, it was dark and I couldn’t see real well, and I was tired and, oh dear, oh my, gee I am just SO SORRY but, well, the light bulb broke. Oh, I feel so bad, I know that all of the stores are closed right now. Well, please forgive me, my hand is bleeding and…no, no really. I’ll be alright. Here, maybe I can drive to seven eleven, no really, it’s fine. Are you sure? No really, I’m fine, I can get stitches tomorrow.

As you can see, the passive agressive is a pro at stabbing you behind the back, and yet earning your sympathy–all the while rejoicing at your downfall.

And, yes, a passive agressive person would even rather hurt themselves rather than give in to you.

Have you had to put up with passive agressive behaviour? Would love to hear your comments! (Click here)

And to learn how to make money at internet marketing, click here

HOW TO PULLLL A TURTLE OUT OF ITS SHELL,1330143193,5/stock-photo-a-cartoon-turtle-peeks-out-from-inside-his-shell-96013265.jpgYesterday, I talked about dealing with a personality type that is introverted to the point of  dysfunction.

Today I’m going to talk about some ways to pull that person out of their shell and hopefully get them to dialogue.

Before we begin, it’s worth noting that some personality types are not introverted, but simply disturbed. If you find that someone is creepy, or even scary, then I wouldn’t include them in these “draw you out” exercises.

But if you think you are dealing with a decent person who may be:

  • depressed
  • anxious
  • painfully shy

or someone who just needs a friend, then follow these tips.

Here is something I do when I know someone is an okay person, but they are just scared to talk. If I say, “How you doin’ today?” and they shrug, and turn away, then I say something like “I’m doing great today, Sue” as though I were doing the talking for them.

Almost always, they will smile and say at least two words.

Or, if I think they are shrugging because they are having a lousy day, I’ll say, “That good, huh?” And then, they either laugh or ignore me.

I want to add right now that not everyone who is quiet is introverted. Some people are just having a bad day. And some people are just suffering from an anxiety disorder.

I don’t think it’s my mission to cheer everyone up, or to make everyone talk who is quiet. But I do think that when you are working with someone, or you are interacting with them on  a daily basis, that it is reasonable to expect some sort of exchange in dialogue, albeit it simple, militaristic chit chat.

And I don’t think I am doing anyone a favor if I let them believe that it is sociallyacceptable to not dialogue, at all, with their peers and co-workers. It is actually rude, it is bad manners, and it is even unprofessional to never do more than shrug or grunt.

So I think that giving people like this a free pass is not helping them…or society.

I have found, though, that  by having compassion on these people and gently working with them, I can usually win them over.

What are your thoughts? Are you an introvert? Are you an extrovert? How do you think this should be handled? I would love to hear your comments

And don’t forget to tune in next Thursday when I talk about handling bullies.


Leave a comment