The Fruitless Act of Beating Yourself Up.

Reader, have you ever begun the day by pouring over everything you forgot to do, failed to do, or failed at doing?
It’s so easy for us to focus on things left undone, or done poorly but the truth is, none of that mindset is helpful.

In psychology, they say you gravitate toward things that give you pleasure. For example, if you are really good at something, or if you really enjoy something, you will focus most of your attention there. I call it your sweet spot
…that place you go to for comfort whether it’s icecream or Facebook.

But your sweet spot isn’t always just a place that makes you feel good. Sometimes it’s a place of accomplishment…
an action that you can easily check off your list. Even if it’s not the most important thing on the list, at least it’s doable, and “done” feels so good. This is why so many people spend their life on easily completed tasks, or video games, because they get an immediate rush of accomplishment–eveb if it’s just scoring on “candy crush”.

And lot’s of time, your sweet spot is is just a place that gives you a sense of fulfillment. There’s nothing wrong with that. But here’s the deal…
if you don’t feel that sense of pleasure, fulfillment or accomplishment, you will most likely avoid that task or duty which is most important.

Most of our tasks fall within a certain heirarchy of importance. And while crushing it a candy crush might feel good right now, the truth is, we all feel of sense of emptiness, after the initial rush of check something off the list, if the things we checked off aren’t of the highest priority. That’s why it’s so important to rank things on your to do list, in order of importance.

But again, knowing something is important doesn’t mean we will prioritize it, even if we star it, highlight it, and put a post it note on our nose.

I call it the “ugh” factor. “ugh! I have to do these dishes. Ugh! I have to call my high maintenace uncle who’s in memory care (yea, that one….the one who wants to chew your ears off). Ugh! I have to cram for this test”. As you can see, a lot of things with the ugh factor are 12 times ughlier by putting them off, rather than pacing them, and planning ahead. But some tasks are so truly gnarly that even thinking about them causes brain cramp. Clearly, we need all of the good vibes we can get going on to even approach the topic in our minds.

This is why it’s so important to reward yourself, and to make that high priority task as stress free and enjoyable as possible.
So how is that done? Well the first step is in not focusing on the past. If you know you’ve blown it in some area,
stop ruminating about it and instead, plan how to be successful next time.

It’s hard to begin setting goals for the new year when you look at that goal list from last year and think, “Ugh!
I’ve been trying to get this task done for 15 years with zero follow through.” This is why most people don’t write new years resolutions.

But today is a new day, and while that might seem overly optimisitic and naive, the truth is, this is the exact mindset which all innovators took in their quest to succeed.

Edison, who invented the lightbulb, related that every time he made a mistake, he was encourged. He was one step closer to finding the right way. And in case you don’t know, Thomas Edison made thousands of attempts at creating the light bulb before he got it right.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”

Consider today a new day to try something a new way. Today is a new day to try a method that motivates,
relieves stress, and creates follow through. Today, how about writing down every single thing you need to do, and designating a time for it?

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My (not) perfect New Year’s Resolution

 

We all do it. And fail. So what IS a perfect new year’s resolution? Well, it’s one that resolves the right thing.

A lot of people do this bait and switch thing. They say that they are going to lose weight, they even write it down, and then the first time they fudge (pun intended) and go of the rails with their psuedo diet, they quit.

Say whaaat? Dude/dudette, your resolution was to lose weight. But look what happened in your mind…

( I call it the internal mind twist).

Your resolution was to loose weight, but you switched it in your head. It started off with a goal of “lose weight” but your perfectionistic, exacting, cruel task master of a brain changed that simple resolution to a ball and chain.

Here’s what your brain told you. “This year I resolve to never, ever, under any circumstances (including death in family, divorce, job loss or any “are you kidding me?” Covid restrictions to ever ever take a bite of anything fatty.”

And then, it happens. The break up. The shut down. The isolation. The job lay off. And now, here you are sobbing in a corner with your roommates hostess ding dongs staring you in the face. And you bite.

 

I almost think that people set themselves up for failure, knowing they won’t be perfect.

Am I right? On Monday morning, doesn’t everyone jokingly ask their coworkers, “How long did it take YOU to break your resolution this year?”

(um, like….10 minutes?)

This year, write your resolution on the wall. And when you forget to

go to the gym

abstain from something

Or work on that daily do list toward your goal,

remind your self… my New year’s resolution was not a perfect year of implementation and performance. My New Years resolution was to reach that goal.

Then look at the calendar, and remind yourself how much time you have left.

Better yet, break that goal down into monthly increments.

And finally, be easy on your self. These Covid restrictions have hit all of us hard, so give yourself a break, and enjoy your favorite desert before Midnight tomorrow :>

HOW TO ORDER YOUR DAY

Charles Schwab who owns the famous investment company which bears his name, tells a story he had with a mentor. Mr. Schwab asked the mentor to tell him how to be more productive.

Rather than scheduling a mentoring session, the advisor simply told him, “Mr. Schwab, I will give you one piece of advice, and if you think it is worth anything, you can pay me $10,000.”
Charles agreed. One week later, Charles wrote the advisor a check for $10,000.
What do you think his advice was?
When I first heard this story, I really thought that the secret was stocks. Or maybe some other investment strategy, like buying up precious metals.

No, the secret that Charles Schwab received is so brain dead simple, that I don’t think he would have even looked at it twice if the advisor had not designated a value to it.

It really is that simple.
And that profound.
In fact, it is so profitable, I would attach a million dollars to it’s worth.
So what was the advice?
I almost hesitate to tell you lest you find it too elementary.

Write down the three most important things you need to do today.

Gah! Is that it? Is that really it? Yup.
But follow through is everything.

making money online

Ordering your day.

Charles Schwab who owns the famous investment company which bears his name, tells a story he had with a mentor. Mr. Schwab asked the mentor to tell him how to be more productive. Rather than scheduling a mentoring session, the advisor simply told him, “Mr. Schwab, I will give you one piece of advice, and if you think it is worth anything, you can pay me $10,000.”
Charles agreed. One week later, Charles wrote the advisor a check for $10,000.
What do you think his advice was? (CONTINUE READING)

making money online

How are those resolutions coming?

Well, one fourth of the year has started,  but the good news is, 75% of the year remains.

Have you given up on your New Year’s Resolution? It’s not too late:

The biggest problem with New Year’s resolutions is “bait and switch”.
Let me explain: a resolution is just something that you resolve to accomplish.

The only thing you need to do in order to have a resolution is just an inward resolve that you are going to do something.

A New Year’s resolution is just something that you resolve to do in the New Year.
And a year is a long time to achieve that.

It’s been three months, since you made your resolution, but listen, you guys. It’s not too late.
Resolve what you would like to accomplish this year.

Remember, it’s your resolution for this year, and the year is not over. Three-fourths of the year still remain!

Before we go there, let’s examine the quality of our New Year’s resolutions.
In fact, before we do that, let’s define whether or there was even  a valid resolution to begin with.

Here’s one example:

Resolving that you’re going to do push-ups every day for a year is not a good resolution.
That’s an “everyday resolution”, not a goal for the New Year as a whole.
Yes, you can do push-ups every day, but that’s not your New Year’s resolution… your New Year’s resolution should be your “why”.
Why do you want to do push-ups? To tone your upper body. That’s your New Year’s resolution: to tone your arms and “get fit”–or “fitter”.

As long as your upper body is toned and firm, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
Breaking that resolution down into Quarterly, monthly goals, etc., comes after you make your resolution.

Remember, you’re not resolving to do push-ups each day (or sit-ups, or whatever) You’re resolving to get a firm, fit upper bod this year.

Why do we set ourselves up for failure each year? It’s because we mistake a resolution with a daily goal.
Very few people who get a firmer upper body do push-ups every single day without fail. That’s because life happens.

When we mistake a resolution for a goal, we quit the first time we hit a hard day. “Oh. I missed push-ups today. I “broke” my New Year’s resolution”.
No you didn’t– –you can still be “resolved”, as in determined, to achieve that goal.
Remember, a New Year’s resolution is just something you resolve to achieve this year.

Write down what you are resolved to accomplish BY THE END OF THE YEAR.

Break that down into Seasonal goals. For example, take an arm measurement and subtract it from what measurement you want your arms to be;
alright so now you know how many inches you need to put on (or take off) by Spring, Summer, Fall, until you have reached your goal.
So, decide exactly how many inches or centimeters you need to add or increase each month (depending upon whether your are losing inches or building muscles), and develop an action plan.

Be sure your plan is realistic

If someone else shared with you the same plan that you have, would you think it was unreasonable? Be fair with yourself here; a year is a long time, but it may not be enough time for your goal, so plan accordingly

Think about planning a plan, rather than just a vague absolute.

So what exactly is a “vague absolute”? Isn’t that just an oxymoron?
Nope. See, most goals are really vague (like “be happy”) and absolute–
As in “be happy every day”.

A better “resolution” would be, “Find out what makes me happy, and then GO for it!”
After you do the first part, give yourself a week to plan out HOW to do it.
For example: “This year, I want to be happy. I want to find out what makes me happy. And then, I want to do, every day, what it takes to make me happy”.

Now, you need to know that just because you haven’t met your goal the first month, doesn’t mean that you won’t reach your goal by December 31st. When I first started doing sit-ups, I could only do three (pathetic, I know…) But by the third day, I could do eight. By the end of the week, I was doing 20. At months end, I could do fifty.
See, sometimes your goals will wax and wane in spurts. Daily goals shouldn’t be something you beat yourself up over, because

A. they are not good indicators of your chance of success and B. they are not resolutions. You need “over-all goals” and daily goals to help you get there.

Remember…you aren’t a failure if you miss a day or two (or three or four. Or even a whole month learning this stuff). You are only a failure if you stop trying to reach your yearly resolution.
Keep the end in mind and the daily goals will happen.

P.S. I just want to add, if your goal is to lose weight, you definitely need all of the support that you can get. Weight loss is TOUGH! And, it takes TIME to lose tons of pounds. More about this in my next post